Coming back to myself

There are moments in your career when something knocks the wind out of you. You give everything your energy, your time, your care and it is still not enough to be chosen.That happened to me. Twice.

I had been encouraged to apply for leadership positions. I was told I had the skill, the capability, the trust of staff. I had worked quietly and consistently to support students, mentor colleagues and lead programs that mattered. Both times I was told I would have done the role well. But I was not selected. And both times, I walked away not in anger, but in quiet grief. Grief for how much of myself I had given, and how easily that had been overlooked.

For a while, I blamed myself. I wondered if I had been too confident. Too visible. Not visible enough. I stopped speaking up in meetings. I started questioning whether I was as capable as I had once believed. I shrank to fit what I thought others might be more comfortable with. And in doing that, I lost something of myself.

But here is the truth I see now. I was not the problem.

It simply was not my time. And as hard as that was to accept in the moment, I can see now that I needed space to process, reflect and reset. I learned a lot through the application process about myself, about how I work under pressure, and about what matters to me in leadership. Sometimes the learning comes in the lead up, not the outcome. And I am proud of how I showed up, even when the result did not go the way I hoped.

My work was recognised. My ideas were respected. But they were not valued in the way I hoped they would be. And that distinction matters. Because when recognition is not met with opportunity, we begin to question our own worth. And when we stop trusting ourselves, we start waiting for others to validate us.

Reading The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins was a turning point for me. It is a simple idea. Count backward from five and take action. Interrupt the doubt. Move. Speak. Begin. That framework gave me just enough space to break the cycle of hesitation I had fallen into.

So I started showing up again. I started speaking again. I reminded myself of what I already know. I am a thoughtful, committed, skilled educator. I am organised, focused and experienced in curriculum planning and assessment. I bring structure to learning without losing flexibility. My presence with students is strong. My feedback is precise. My commitment is genuine. My standards are high.

And none of that disappeared just because someone with a title did not choose me.

Sometimes, the setback is not a sign that you are in the wrong. It is a signal that the space you were in could not fully see you. It does not mean you stop showing up. It means you find the place where your presence is not only noticed but valued.

So this is where I return to myself. From the paddock. With a little more wisdom, a little more softness, and a quiet decision to stop waiting for permission.

Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Here I am.

From the Paddock

recent posts

about