From the Paddock

There is a particular stillness I try to carry when I am with my horse. It is not about being silent—it is about being grounded. When he is nervous or unsettled, my job is not to overpower him or force him to “behave.” My job is to be calm, to breathe, and to help him take ownership of his own body and mind.

Riding him when he is anxious has taught me that control is not the goal—trust is.

This is something Tristan Tucker’s TRT Method captures so well. Rather than simply restraining a horse, you guide him to find his own sense of calm. You show him how to feel safe in his surroundings so that his confidence becomes his own, not something borrowed from you. I see this when my horse relaxes in the paddock with the little pony we have borrowed for company. The pony’s steady presence tells him, “You’re okay here.” Sometimes, just knowing someone is with you changes everything.

I think about this often when I am in the classroom. Teenagers, like horses, pick up on our energy long before they hear our words. They know when we are flustered. They know when we are grounded. They also know when we are trying to control them instead of helping them learn to control themselves.

When a teen is anxious or unsettled, I have learned to pull my presence closer rather than my voice louder. I give them space to breathe. I give them the tools to self-regulate so that calm becomes something they can find within themselves. This is not always quick work—but it is lasting work.

I am reminded of something Mel Robbins writes about in The 5 Second Rule: the power of the pause between impulse and action. For my horse, that pause allows him to soften instead of spook. For my students, it creates a moment where they can choose a thoughtful response over a reactive one.

Whether I am in the saddle or in the classroom, I am reminded that presence is more powerful than pressure. That trust is a better teacher than control. And that sometimes, the most transformative thing we can do is stand quietly alongside someone—until they are ready to move forward on their own.